Left wanting...

You know when you're perfectly happy driving around in your old car and then you get to drive something newer with electric this and adjustable that? This weekend I experienced similar and it's left me wanting. I was perfectly happy with my fancy phone camera until this week. At 8.5 megapixels it's sharp and clear, it's with me wherever I go and even before the upgrade, it's always seemed sufficient for my blogging needs.

However that was before. This weekend I was spoilt when I borrowed a DSLR, had a five minute tour of it and attended a one day wildlife photography workshop with Andrew Kelly. All of a sudden my phone camera doesn't seem quite good enough.

As a complete beginner to digital photography I have a tremendous amount to learn, and I want to learn. I soaked up every bit of information shared with us, took the opportunity to ask lots of (probably very dumb) questions and headed out in the garden as soon as I arrived home determined to capture every butterfly, bee or insect I could find. I wanted to put my new found knowledge into practice.

But just like the bees on this sedum, my new hobby is fleeting, I'll only have the camera for a few more days and I'm not in a position to pop down the shops and buy one of my own. Perhaps next year, but certainly not this.

So for now I'll have to commit everything I've learnt to memory and hope it comes back to me next time I have the opportunity to use a lovely camera that I can manually operate.

I've found it interesting to see just how quickly my views on photography changed. From appreciating the clarity and colour to enjoying the challenge of learning the more technical aspects of the equipment. Then there's the thrill when you view a shot on the screen you're happy with and the anticipation of seeing it later on the computer screen (how on earth did photographers wait six weeks for their films to arrive back years ago??).

Lastly there's the sheer wonderment of getting so closeup and personal with the wildlife you're observing. I can now fully understand why people are so interested in this subject, there's more to it than meets the eye....

Do you have a hobby that you fell in love with as soon as you started it?

Being Wrong

How easy do you find it to admit that a perception you've had was wrong?

Have you ever been so convinced, so certain about something, only to have a change of heart that makes you doubt your conviction?

We grow up hearing the phrase 'trust your instincts' and as we grow older we turn to them more often. However, what if we wholeheartedly believe and trust in them only to realise we (or they) had got it wrong? What then?

Admitting we've got something wrong can be very difficult and for some impossible - they might never manage it. If foot shuffling children can find it hard to admit to, what hope is there for anyone else, particularly if they've been brought up in an environment that doesn't change its mind?

It's not so much the getting it wrong part that leaves you feeling uncomfortable (though that's bad enough). The egg on the face, bottom squirming discomfort as you stutter out the words, the gleeful expression (real or imagined) from the other parties when you tell them you've changed your mind. That's easy in comparison to what's going on inside.

You've listened to your instinct, that sixth sense that has kept you safe and secure for all these years... and it was wrong. You had a gut clenching feeling that you were adamantly sure you were right about, only to find it wasn't real after all. You. Were. Wrong.

That's the world rocking bit. That's what completely knocks you off kilter. Will you ever trust your instincts again.

How on earth do you ever get over that?\

Journeys

Do you like travelling, heading off on a journey?

Sometimes I dread them, sometimes I can't wait to get started on them. Journeys can be a time of tremendous stress. If you're running late, aren't sure where you're going, or suffer a breakdown of some description journeys can at the very least raise the blood pressure to unhealthy levels! When you're trying to keep children entertained, are in the company of grumpy relatives or are just overtired from a particularly long, hot trip they can be a blood boiling experience.

On the other hand they can be a rewarding, eye opening adventure. Journeys can be the perfect excuse for handing yourself over to someone else and literally hopping on for the ride.

They can be an opportunity for reflection, day dreaming, anticipation and relaxation. You can spend hours briefly caught up watching snapshots of other peoples lives, observing mankind in all shapes and forms. You can watch unfamiliar landscapes whizz by, experience a myriad of weather systems, listen to a colourful array of accents and breath in new and unfamiliar scents.

So what kind of traveller are you? Are you a willing one?

Confidence

How fragile our confidence can be.

One moment we're laughing, happy, carefree and safe in the knowledge of our own existence. We plod through life, tackling the usual tasks or even unusual ones that are thrown at us, then poof, something out of the ordinary happens, our world is rocked and we flounder.

We question our ability, who we are, the very cornerstone of our existence. We shy away from new things no longer trusting our instincts. We want to cocoon ourselves and hide away, our confidence crushed.

But we can't.

On the outside it appears as if nothing has changed, we're still the sunny, accomplished people we always were, but inside we're shaken and numb.

Confidence is about how we see ourselves at any one particular moment in time. How others perceive us can be quite different.

Trees

"Look at the trees, look at the birds, look at the clouds, look at the stars... and if you have eyes you will be able to see that the whole existence is joyful. 

 Everything is simply happy. 

Trees are happy for no reason; they are not going to become prime ministers or presidents and they are not going to become rich and they will never have any bank balance.

Look at the flowers - for no reason. 

It is simply unbelievable how happy flowers are."

~ Osho ~

Holidays

How is it that when you go away for a weekend, you come home feeling like you've been away for a week?

Then you go away for a week it feels like the best break in the world, and as for a fortnight... wow, what a difference, getting back into the routine is nigh on impossible!

And then on a rare opportunity you take three weeks or a month off and what happens? For the whole of the last week all you think about is returning home. Why can't that last week be like your very first week away?

Guess its all down to your perspective.....

Beauty

What is beauty?

Is it the slim, glossy haired woman who catches your eye at the station as you dash for a train? Perhaps it's the perfectly sculptured diver who stands calmly on the Olympic board, every defined muscle testament to the hard work he's undertaken to place him there?

Is beauty the blousey pink peony catching the beam of light in the perectly sculptured garden, or is it the self seeded foxglove that sways delicately in the shadowy forest?

Maybe beauty is in the sparkle of an eye, the upward curve of the lips on a lived in face that lights up when eyes lock and momentarily allow you to glimpse the soul behind it?

Beauty can be many things, but always it's about perception. Will you look at beauty differently today?
 

Distance

When our soul has been hurt we have a perspective. We view the people that have hurt us in a certain way. We may hate them, obsess about them, feel wounded or betrayed by them. We may wallow in self pity, our negative thoughts overwhelming us with their bitterness, or we may pretend that everything's fine in an attempt to protect ourselves. It may take months, years even to forget and perhaps to forgive those who have bruised our inner selves/ Depending upon the severity of the hurt, forgiveness may never even come/

But distance can heal. It can give us a fresh insight to view our world. Space may be all that's needed to free us of our heady trap, to help us see clearly, to unlock our minds.

If you've been hurt, whether in a small, seemingly inconsequential manner or in a majorly, heart clenching painful way, perhaps putting some physical distance between you and your distress may ust give you a new perspective.

You never know, it may be all you need to start the healing process.